Protect Yourself From Greed

Not as easy as it is ideal,

when having grown up in environments that devalued connection, but certainly a valuable reminder.

And now I’m here.

Surely in the role of the negative example as per usual, yet still, in a group there’s no linear learning.

One might be better at one thing than another but not farther.

And if you don’t distribute your skill, it will turn on you.

Because who’s going to help you, when you cannot help yourself?

The question is to find a way to transmit what comes easy to you.

I haven’t found my way yet on how to even recognize a skill worth passing on within me.

There were a couple of things I thought were interesting, but admittedly, I was better at refining and applying from other people’s experience than overwriting someone else’s idea of how to do something. And often it’s not the originally unifying subject that is what I am learning.

I don’t feel like I learn much here about permaculture or construction.

Most of the things I quite likely will forget as soon as I change my environment. Which is why I won’t focus on writing it down.

But I do remember my approach to things. The struggle that’s increasing my patience. The discomfort that broadens my self-love.

The uneasiness, which strengths me in my ability to navigate the world. Feeling like I can survive one more thing. Certainly not to its extreme, but there I also don’t feel like following.

Most of all it’s interesting that I can feel safe enough to feel home, without excessively liking it here.

The space given and the engagement pressured creates an interesting cocktail.

Turning me into an eternal student of things in most unfathomable areas.

I surely do notice the relief of someone giving importantance to same or similar values.

And the discomfort of being challenged in them.

Yet, it’s this what I am searching for here to not live blindsighted in this world.

To integrate what I missed out on thus far in life and catch up a little.

I think I might be striving for balance.

Even though I haven’t understood why just yet.

In all of this I am continuously questioning, whether to add happiness to the parameter of my journey. Does a journey have to pleasant? “The jouney is the goal”, they say (or something close enough to it), but if the journey matters and I spend the most time with it, then at least some form of joy once in a while would certainly provide some fuel for curiosity, I believe.

For now, I’m spending more time with being overwhelmed.

Maybe it’s because I use physical living to develop internal travelling without them being necessarily synchronised.

So some change is needed for me to allow my inner world to catch up.

And then there’s the question of how to navigate both worlds, when they do drift apart.

Live in the moment, but prepare (/sacrifice the moment) for the future. And don’t forget to remember the past.

Those multiple areas I haven’t brought together in my head yet

Maybe one day.

~ written by Michelle B.