My Own Way

Following has never been a strength I embraced.

I don’t trust enough to be led most of the time and yet I yearn to find at least glimpses of honest heartbeats whose rhythm I can carefully explore for a short while until I found my own rhythm.

I believe to have been present in such a moment this week.

Only for a fading moment,

I settled into such trust.

Similar to the horses, I usually easily kick with my emotional hind feet as soon as I perceive limitation and danger.

Yet, the experience of this moment lingered and helped me see deeper.

And while I do continue to fight for what I believe is the minimum of an agreement,

I also notice that the minimum is bound to awareness, which in my case seems to stray away from the norm.

Oftentimes I have wondered, whether it comes from a sense of entitlement or idealism

(maybe even in a connected way).

Do I need to take a step back or about countless more ahead?

Here, I for now want to believe in both.

Being humbled in more than one way – especially in my approach to living, I want to take it as a reminder that my life is not a given.

In a way, it is definited by my environment.

It can change its quality without a warning.

In that sense my appreciation for it grows stronger than ever before.

And with a bit of practice I can let go of my stronghold of what I once wanted to throw away and now learn to love deeply and simply float with it.

Welp, it’s a journey.

~ written by Michelle B.