Expanding Distance

Sometimes you gotta leave when all wears you down and that distance does not have to stand against the thing you are putting space in between, yet rather can be a search for something else you might need for you to balance with it.

I don’t know what that would mean for leaving something behind for the rest of one’s life.

Is that, what is at play when monks (or whoever) are talking about developing certain skills in one life and then integrating them in another?

For now I’d like to think, that’s why I put myself in so many uncomfortable positions, continuously further away from what I love and desire and into what I want to learn to love.

I got to experience a true winter wonderland here.

Without explicitly asking for it, I received something I grew thankful for.

Our cat Luptschu and our guest’s dog Cara hugging me.

I am being blessed with something I never expected while missing out on what I did expect and I’m content.

I still hope for a reunification with what my heart has lost.

But I am also learning here about the beauty of discomfort.

About the healing of what’s been split apart when lack and loss makes space for it.

I’m starting to find trust in my free fall.

I begin to open m eyes and heart to the vulnerability that brings forth the connecting link to follow the stern call of demand.

For the first time, I find relief as the loss of control eats away at the protective shield eats away at me and favours me with a grant for long internal work and patience.

I do find hope.

At least for the moment.

And surprisingly, being granted this very moment is enough for me now.

What a relief!

~written by Michelle B.